Editors, go away. This stuff is for freelance writers, and my advice here will only make you dizzy. Go back to following the Eminem Bruno stunt or search for some Sims 3 cheat codes. This is for writers, and I’ll get round to doing some editors-only content very soon. Don’t feel all left out, just go back to reading The Onion and let the writers feel like they’re getting some secret sauce here.

Writers, ever notice the paradoxes about being a freelance writer? I’ve been making a few observations lately since I work both sides of the desk as a freelance writer and editor. Here are my top ten:

10. Editors don’t need you. The accepted wisdom is that there are people lining up ten deep to fill your shoes. So you landed a query, eh? Good one. You somehow edged out the other 100 people trying to get paid. We’re a dime a dozen, right?

9. Editors can’t live without you. This is also true. Sure, there are hundreds of people trying to get an article published at the publication you just sold a piece to–but a lot of them don’t know how to play the game just yet, or haven’t got the knack of querying effectively or just plain suck. And once you land a gig, are you a reliable and trustworthy source of articles? Or are you a flake like some of these others? Dependable, flexible, easy to work with writers are NOT a dime a dozen.

8. You charge too much. In many cases writers don’t get to set their rates. Publications who offer X per word aren’t going to haggle with a new writer. But what about when you land some kind of sweet content gig or blog posting contract? Some writers make the mistake of not scaling their income towards the type of writing they are doing and expect the same pay for the same word count, regardless of medium. That might be counterproductive.

7. You’re not charging enough. Writers are often afraid to charge what their time is actually worth. If you are a new writer with a lot of time on your hands (read–not many deadlines) chances are you can and should offer lower rates until you learn how to play the game. But if you’re a busy freelancer and your valuable time is too precious to parcel out for ten cents a word, don’t take that ten cent a word gig! Decide how much money you need to add yet another deadline to your already busy schedule and price accordingly. How much is that extra Saturday you’ll spend working to make deadline worth to you? Charge that.

6. Your work isn’t quite awesome enough. Some writers get the inflated ego that comes with a few successes and start thinking (temporarily) that they don’t need to do third drafts or double check their work for spelling errors, apostrophes or even poor usage. WRONG! Even Stephen King does many drafts…and he’s an old hand at this writing business.

5. Your work is too cool for school. Let’s face it, if you’ve been at this for any length of time and are getting paid for your work, you are DOING SOMETHING RIGHT. What you have to do now is do more of what you’re getting right and less of what you’re getting wrong. Or at lest figure out where you are going wrong and start correcting that so you can be even cooler.

4. Your editor is a dummy. How many times do they write you to revise your article with things they asked you NOT to do in the first place? How many times do they issue you a deadline then write you back asking either “Where is this very late or about to be late article” that ain’t late at all or hasn’t even been given the green light yet? How many times do we have to pester them until they pay up? We turned it IN on deadline, why aren’t we getting PAID on deadline?

3. Your editor is a genius. I have improved my writing by leaps and bounds simply by watching what my editors do to my finished pieces. Yes, you have to re-read your own work to see where they made the changes sometimes, and yes you have to accept that your precious work has been altered. But reading your writing through someone else’s eyes is the singlemost important thing you can do to improve. Read your articles and blog posts as though you were a casual reader trying to decide whether or not to subscribe. Now you’re getting the idea…

2. Freelance writing sucks, I want to be an editor. Editors don’t have to do yet another draft because there was some difference of opinion about a minor detail. Editors don’t have to put up with waiting around for weeks on end to learn whether a story idea was approved or not. Editors have it so much easier than the writers because they control who gets printed and who doesn’t. Don’t you love the idea of all that power?

1. Editing sucks, I want to be a writer again. Editing well isn’t just about fixing and scheduling stuff, it’s so much detail and coordination…you have deadlines to beat and writers are flaky, they turn in stuff late, and full of last-minute work YOU get to do to make it press-worthy. Probably over your lunch hour or off the clock. You can’t depend on them to hit the deadline you set deliberately so you could go to press on time or publish on a specific date. Editors have to comb through the bad grammar and goofy sentence construction of so many people your eyes start to burn after a full day’s worth of correcting and clarifying. I want to go back to that cushy world where deadlines don’t mean anything to me personally except for a paycheck and all that…