by Joe Wallace

Ever wonder what it’s like on the other side of the desk? Here’s a little list of things you never knew about editors, written from my own personal experiences as one. I won’t presume to speak for others, but you can’t tell me some of these things aren’t common experience among my peers:

5. Sometimes we read queries, cover letters and resumes before coffee. On Mondays. Try to connect the dots here.

4. Stephen King on Harlan Ellison; “The man and his work have become so intertwined that it is impossible to pull them completely apart.” Editors get like that, too. Especially when reading the malformed prose of people on the Internet.

3. We make more than you. Sometimes. Did you know some editors actually look at their freelance staff with envious eyes because the freelances actually make more than the editors harassing them? Again, try to connect the dots here. Envy, jealousy, and then…we read your work. Are we LOOKING for an excuse to use our red pens? Sometimes, hell yeah.

2. Editors freelance, too. We’re playing the game right alongside you, but we’ve got the advantage of knowing how an editor’s mind works. We’ll beat you to the finish line with that insider knowledge. Perhaps you should think about becoming one of us.

1. Editors know almost everything. What we don’t know, we pay for.

0. Editors only know everything because they’ve seen it all before. A new twist on an old idea gives us a reason to stop and smile. Regurgitated ideas make us want to do likewise…regurgitate, that is.