From the home office in Chicago, Illinois–the top ten excuses you can use to keep your day job and not go freelance:

10. You just purchased the Twin Peaks Gold Edition box set and you want to see Leland Palmer go nuts and chew the scenery.

9.  You can’t seem to make up your mind whether to try sending a few queries or work on your writing resume. By not doing either one, you can avoid worrying about them both.

8. You heard somebody say that magazines are dying and that freelance writing is a risky venture in the bad economy. Too bad there are all those brand new mags launching, otherwise this would be the perfect excuse indeed.

7. You’re going to get that promotion at work any day now, you can just feel it. Even though that job is driving you stark raving mad, that promotion would be sweeeeeet.

6. A gorilla broke in and wiped out the last query you were working on. Your hard drive will never be the same.

5.  You’re making decent money on the side with your part-time freelancing. Why take the plunge and cut your pay down?

4. All the celebrity deaths lately have you so distracted you can’t concentrate on outlining your article properly. Don’t worry, at press time Don Rickles is still kicking.

3. You can’t quit smoking AND give up your day job at the same time.

2. You’re laboring under the delusion that the word “freelance” means you never get paid.

1. There’s always tomorrow. You can quit your job tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after that. Yes sir, one day you WILL take the plunge. Just not today.