It’s Only a Game

by Mike O’Mary

When I was younger, I coached a girls’ softball team for several years. It was a gratifying experience. I started with first and second graders, and we mainly covered the basic skills of hitting, running, fielding and throwing. We also talked about the rules of the game itself. Balls and strikes. Outs. Foul balls. Fair balls. And where to run if you actually happened to hit a fair ball.

In subsequent seasons, the girls got the basics down pat and learned other things like bunting, stealing and how to play team defense. By the time they got to age 11 or 12, they had found a nice balance–a place where they seemed to enjoy winning, but didn’t get terribly upset if they lost. As a matter of fact, when I got a little down on myself after a loss one season, our catcher (who also happened to be my daughter) took me aside and helped me put things back in perspective. “Dad,” she said, “it’s only a game.”

It was a timely reminder. There are more important things in life than winning or losing a softball game–more important things in life than winning or losing a contract or a job. And so it was that from time to time as a coach, I was tempted to go to a practice and say, “Okay girls, gather ‘round in a circle and sit down on your gloves…today, we’re going to talk about life and love and your hopes and dreams.” But I never got around to doing that. I imagine the girls would have preferred wind sprints to discussing such topics with their coach. Besides, it wasn’t really my place to teach them about life and love and hopes and dreams anyway. I left that to their parents. Instead, I focused on teaching them how to slide without getting hurt–which is, after all, a pretty important thing to know.

Mike O’Mary is founding dreamer of Dream of Things, a book publisher currently accepting creative nonfiction stories for anthologies on 13 topics, including an anthology titled It’s Only a Game: Lessons Learned from Playing and Coaching Sports.

The Rewards of Doing Nothing

by Mike O’Mary

More than 20 years ago, Marsha Sinetar wrote a book called Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow. It’s a nice idea, but I’m not sure the premise bears out. Perhaps it worked for the author—assuming, of course, that she “loved” writing a how-to book and making lots of money. But what if you “love” hanging out at coffee shops or eating donuts or taking long naps in the afternoon? It’s hard to see how the money is going to follow you to any of those places.

Or what if you love something but aren’t very good at it? I know lots of people who play golf, for instance, but most of them could never make a living at it. But then again, making a living at golf doesn’t necessarily have to mean making millions of dollars on the professional tour. Every course in the country has a golf pro or two or three to run the pro shop and give lessons. There are also people who sell equipment and organize tournaments and arrange trips for people who want to go to Myrtle Beach or Hilton Head for a golfing vacation. So I suppose you could stretch things a bit to say those people are all doing things that they love—although you don’t have to stray too far from the main subject before it starts to sound less like something you love and more like work.

So in the end, I guess I don’t buy the notion that you can do what you love and the money will follow. I think it’s usually the other way around: You usually end up paying money in order to do what you love. So I think I’m going to write a book called How to Find Out Where the Money Is and Do Something to Get It So You Can Turn Around and Spend It to Do Things You Love. But that’s a pretty long title and writing it sounds like a lot of work. Maybe the best thing is to just forget about the money altogether. You don’t need that much to hang out at a coffee shop anyway.

Mike O’Mary is founding dreamer of Dream of Things, a book publisher currently accepting creative nonfiction stories for anthologies on 14 topics, including an anthology titled “Cubicle Stories: Life in the Modern Workplace.”

Everything I Never Wanted to Be

by Mike O’Mary

I am very pleased and proud to announce that pre-release copies of Everything I Never Wanted to Be by Dina Kucera are now available from Dream of Things. The book will be available at bookstores everywhere on October 1, but you can get your copy now by visiting www.everythinginever.com.

Everything I Never Wanted to Be is the true story of one family’s battles with alcoholism and drug addiction over four generations—as told from the unique perspective of a grocery store clerk with a ninth grade education who is trying to make it as a stand-up comic. To learn more about this amazing memoir – including excerpts, info about the author, and an early review from publisher and movie producer Mark Shelmerdine – visit www.everythinginever.com.

I also think it’s interesting and important to note that Dina’s memoir was rejected by 74 agents and publishers before it was published. It finally found a home after Dina posted excerpts on her blog and someone (yours truly) read it and fell in love with it. For more details about Dina’s path to publication, click here.

Mike O’Mary is founding dreamer of Dream of Things, a book publisher currently accepting creative nonfiction stories for anthologies on 14 topics, including an anthology titled “Advice You’d Like to Pass on to Others.”

Two Quotes

by Mike O’Mary

I have two quotes for you today. The first is from Maurice Sendak, the award-winning author of many children’s books, who once made the pointed observation that, “There must be more to life than having everything.” Unfortunately, he didn’t say what more there must be.

I used to subscribe to a newsletter called “The Meaning of Life.” Although it had the same title as the Monty Python movie, it was not a humorous newsletter. It was a serious attempt by a University of Chicago professor of philosophy to help people find and examine the things that add meaning to their lives.

At various times, the newsletter examined various traits and values that can help bring meaning to your life. Things like integrity, enthusiasm, honesty and spontaneity, among others.

Those are all things that we strive for in our lives. But it’s important to realize that those things are intertwined. You can’t have enthusiasm without integrity, for example, or spontaneity without honesty.

Those thoughts are not my own. I didn’t make the connection until I came across the following quote from Robert Schuller: “Integrity makes enthusiasm possible. Only honest people are subconsciously liberated to be totally spontaneous. Without that quality, enthusiasm is contrived and not an authentic motivating factor in life.”

If you want to have enthusiasm and be spontaneous, you have to be honest and have integrity. There are no shortcuts. And if you want to do more than “have everything,” you must aspire to “be” something. Being honest and having integrity is a pretty good place to start.

Mike O’Mary is founding dreamer of Dream of Things, a book publisher currently accepting creative nonfiction stories for anthologies on 14 topics, including an anthology titled “Advice You’d Like to Pass on to Others.”

#BlogHer10 – To All My LadyBloggers

By Amanda Connor

BlogHer.com

Fact: 50% of your time as a professional freelancer should be spent working. The other 50% of your professional time should be spent networking and keeping on top of new trends in the industry.

Networking can be painful – root canal painful. Having to chat up a crowd of strangers can be a miserable and awkward experience. However, BlogHer10 is not your standard networking schmoozefest/snoozefest. It is two days of intensive seminars, hands-on learning and meeting the top female bloggers helping to drive the blogging industry. (Did I mention that this will be an all-women conference?)

What is BlogHer.com? It’s an online community of female bloggers who host, post, dish and share.

BlogHer10: As I write this, hundreds of female bloggers are preparing to descend upon New York City for two days of lectures, meet-ups, round-table discussions and Q&A sessions. I’ve rarely seen this much excitement surrounding a networking event. The buzz is immense on Twitter and Facebook and it makes me wish I was going! This year marks the sixth annual BlogHer conference, and as it has every year before, this year’s event is completely sold out.

This mega-conference, hosted and run by BlogHer.com, will focus on bringing the BlogHer community together to meet, greet, eat and learn together. Lectures this year range from general topics like “Usability Basics for Newbies” to hyper-focused topics like “Fashion Blogging” and how to handle your own blog photography and images. Essentially, this is blogger bootcamp, designed to celebrate and foster growth within the female blogging community. Can I get a “heck yeah” from all the blogger ladies out there? Woot.

From newbies who need tips on working a Wordpress blog, to professional bloggers looking for better ways to utilize their metrics, this event has it all. Check out the agenda. It makes me salivate.

If you are lucky enough to be attending this year, you have LOADS of networking opps, educational opps and FREE SWAG to look forward to (my God…the swag….the beautiful, beautiful swag.) If you missed out this year, keep it in mind for next year. And if this isn’t up your alley (or if you are of the male gender…) you should be keeping tabs on the best networking events in your area. These events can be invaluable.

Overzealous Demographers

by Mike O’Mary

Whenever a company comes out with a new product, they usually do a lot of market research first. I recently read the findings of a company that identified several market segments it wanted to reach. I won’t go into all the demographic details. Instead I’ll skip right to the interesting part: the sweeping generalizations made about each segment.

One market segment is called the “Metro Mix.” This group is the most likely to eat at donut shops, have a window air conditioner and make purchases from the Home Shopping Network.

Next is the “Urban Up and Comers.” They are the most likely to bank by ATM card and drink imported beer and wine.

Then there are the “Rustic Homesteaders.” They are the most likely to own a rifle or shotgun, an outboard motor and shop at Wal-Mart.

I also heard about a segment that tends to eat at fast-food chicken restaurants, pays utility bills in person and likes to watch television shows about cops. Oh, this group is also more likely than average to have someone in the household change the oil on their car.

Another segment likes to purchase home furniture by mail or phone, read health magazines and listen to NPR. Yet another group was characterized as ranking first for eating at Red Lobster and watching soap operas.

I don’t know if I got much out of all that research, but I was able to identify another market segment. I’ll call this group the “Overzealous Demographers.” They spend too much time on the phone, haven’t seen sunlight in years and tend to make sweeping generalizations that are of little use to anybody. If you run into one of these people, take your window air conditioner and outboard motor and run!

Mike O’Mary is founding dreamer of Dream of Things, a book publisher currently accepting creative nonfiction stories for anthologies on 14 topics, including an anthology titled “Cubicle Stories: Life in the Modern Workplace.”

“Added Value”

by Mike O’Mary

If you talk to businessmen and entrepreneurs today, they are all busy trying to “add value” for their customers. So, in the spirit of helping you get your money’s worth, here is one man’s guide to finding good values in today’s world.

A plain cheeseburger at most restaurants is a “good value.” On the other hand, anything advertised as a “Value Meal” is probably a waste of money.

Merlots and cabernets from Washington state are usually a good value. Pinot noirs from Oregon, meanwhile, have gotten a bit pricey and still don’t come anywhere close to rivaling French burgundy.

Here’s a no-brainer: Your local public radio station is a good value. Meanwhile, any radio station that plays hours of prerecorded schlock interrupted only by long bursts of monster truck rally commercials has little of value to add to our lives.

Books and compact disks are good values. For $14, I can purchase a book that contains the 25 best essays of the past year. Or for about the same amount of money, I can own a recording of Duke Ellington performing live at the 1956 Newport Jazz Festival. Now that’s a good value.

Compared to books and CDs, most video games are a poor value. I’m sure the graphics have gotten better since I last played a video game, but what’s the point of enhancing something that remains a colossal waste of time?

And finally, for my money, a round-trip ticket to Paris is one of the best values on the market today. In comparison, paying 40 cents to drive on I-88 from DeKalb to Aurora is a waste of money. The road is in terrible shape, and then when you get there, you’re still only in Aurora! I suppose it could be worse. You could start in Aurora and end up in DeKalb. Either way, you’re better off forking over the extra money to get to France.

Mike O’Mary is founding dreamer of Dream of Things, a book publisher currently accepting creative nonfiction stories for anthologies on 14 topics, including an anthology titled “Cubicle Stories: Life in the Modern Workplace.”

One Man’s Deliverable is Another Man’s Takeaway

by Mike O’Mary

In the past, I’ve occasionally talked about how to get ahead in the workplace. I’ve also talked about the preponderance of clichés and buzzwords in the business world. So you can imagine my feelings of horror when I recently sat in on a meeting and heard people talking about “takeaways” and “deliverables.”

When it comes to buzzwords, I have one simple question: Talk to me in English!

Okay, that wasn’t a question. But can somebody explain to me why people are using the word “takeaway” when what they really mean is that they learned something useful? Or why people use the word “deliverable” when what they are really referring to is a product or a report?

You can talk about takeaways and deliverables if you want, but it would be a whole lot easier on the rest of us if you simply had the words “Recent MBA grad” tattooed on your forehead.

Life used to be so simple. I had an “in” basket and I had an “out” basket. In order to keep up with the times, I relabeled my baskets to say “takeaways” and “deliverables.” But that just seemed to confuse people. I was constantly finding deliverables in my takeaway basket and vice versa. To me, that was the real test. The buzzwords fell short. So I went back to the old in and out. Seems to work fine.

I still use the terms deliverable and takeaway though. “Deliverable” as in “I’d like a pepperoni pizza—and make that deliverable.” And “takeaway” as in “If Dick has three things in his in box and Jane takes away two, can Dick leave early and pick up the pizza on his way home?”

Mike O’Mary is founding dreamer of Dream of Things, a book publisher currently accepting creative nonfiction stories for anthologies on 14 topics, including an anthology titled “Cubicle Stories: Life in the Modern Workplace.”

Feeling Listless?

by Mike O’Mary

Do you keep a “to do” list? I do. Don’t ask me why. I used to think I kept a list to help keep me organized. And I suppose that’s true, because making a list does helps me prioritize things. But more important to me was the belief that if I wrote it down, I wouldn’t have to worry about remembering it later. And if I didn’t have to worry about remembering anything, I could run around leading a happy-go-lucky, carefree existence.

But for some reason, it doesn’t seem to work that way. Instead, I walk around like Atlas, but instead of the weight of the world on my shoulders, it’s the weight of my little to-do list.

Every once in a while, I pull the list out and study it. Sometimes I even catch myself moving my lips as I read my list–sort of like saying my own little prayer or penance several times a day. Then I put the list away, confident that everything I need to worry about is there, tucked safely in my pocket.

Unless, of course, I forget to put something on my list. This thought had me so worried for a while that I began writing things down on little scraps of paper and stuffing them in my pocket to be added to the master list at a later date. This, I usually did on Saturday morning, and I always took great pleasure in scratching “consolidate lists” off my to-do list.

But then I realized it was kind of ridiculous to keep a list of things to be added to your list. So now I’m back down to just one list.

Well, sort of. I mean I do have separate lists for work and for home. I also have a third list somewhere of longer-term, personal goals. I’m pretty sure one of my long-term goals was to stop keeping lists. Unfortunately, I don’t know where I put my list of long-term goals. Guess I’d better add “find list of long-term goals” to my to-do list for this week.

Mike O’Mary is founding dreamer of Dream of Things, a book publisher currently accepting creative nonfiction stories for anthologies on 15 topics, including an anthology titled Making Waves – Stories About Role Models Who Inspire and Motivate Us.

How to Write a Smashing E-Mail: Part Five

Keep your e-mails short and to the point. Most e-mails can be summed up within one window pane. If yours goes beyond that, reread it to make sure the extra length is essential. Not everything can be abbreviated, but respect other people’s time and the state of their inbox. However, you want to include all pertinent information so that you don’t create an e-mail chain where your note has created more confusion than clarity.

For example, if you’re announcing a book signing, or a business meeting, make sure you have all the relevant information in your note, so people don’t have to write back several times to ask questions. That creates more work for everyone. Always ask yourself when you’re writing, “Am I saying what I want to say in the least amount of words?” If not, kill your darlings. Delete unnecessary content.

Sigrid Macdonald is an editor, a manuscript evaluator, and the author of three books, including the newly released Be Your Own Editor. Find it on Amazon in paperback (http://tinyurl.com/2a3zx6t) or on Kindle (http://tinyurl.com/2blyqng). Or contact sigridmac@rogers.com for a 20% discount off the regular $17.95 price.

Work/Life Balance

by Mike O’Mary

I was talking with a friend recently who is trying to find “balance” in his life. “Balance” meaning the appropriate mixture of work, family life and other interests while fulfilling his various duties as employee (or in this case employer), spouse, parent, neighbor and citizen.

Finding the right mixture is not an easy task. In older automobiles, they used a thing called a “choke” to adjust the mixture of fuel and oxygen to just the right level. Today, we have fuel injection. But neither makes for a very attractive metaphor. Would you rather choke off a part of yourself trying to find the proper balance, or do you just mainline everything and hope you don’t overdose?

I think when people talk about balance, they are really talking about happiness. And so I referred my friend to the following poem. This is “Happiness” written by Carl Sandburg in 1916.

I asked professors who teach the meaning of life to tell me what is happiness.
And I went to famous executives who boss the work of thousands of men.
They all shook their heads and gave me a smile as though I was trying to fool with them.
And then one Sunday afternoon I wandered out along the Desplaines river.
And I saw a crowd of Hungarians under the trees with their women and children and a keg of beer and an accordion.

I think you could substitute the word “balance” for “happiness” in that poem and it would still work. Either way, Sandburg’s words still hit home some four-score and fourteen years after he wrote them.

When is the last time you danced by the river with your “women and children and a keg of beer and an accordion”? If you haven’t done it — or something similar — lately, your life might be teetering slightly out of balance.

Mike O’Mary is founding dreamer of Dream of Things, a book publisher currently accepting creative nonfiction stories for anthologies on 15 topics, including an anthology titled Making Waves – Stories About Role Models Who Inspire and Motivate Us.

Looks Like Somebody’s Got a Case of the Mondays

by Erin Dalpini

Picture this: You’re lying comfortably in your bed, dozing away and your alarm begins to ring. You roll over, shake yourself from your dream and groggily rub your eyes. That tell-tale, occasionally maddening noise is a reminder that no matter how early it seems, it’s time to leave that cozy bed for a day of work.

Whether or not you set your alarm clock every morning, most freelancers can relate to that grouchy feeling that we all get now and then– you know, a “case of the Mondays.” … Continue Reading

How to Write a Smashing E-Mail: Part Four

When someone writes to you first, it’s important to reply in the same tone. If they say hello, you say hello.  If they say hey, you can say, Wassup? Always address someone by name in your e-mail, unless you’ve been writing back and forth several times. In that case, it’s not necessary to start with “Hello, Naveen.” But, if someone writes you a nice note saying, “Dear Sigrid, I had a wonderful time at the concert the other night. Hope we can do it again really soon. Warmly, Barb,” don’t just reply, “Me, too.” The recipient could easily feel slighted or dismissed by your abrupt response, when that wasn’t your intention at all.

Remember that unless you’re using emoticons, which can often look juvenile, it’s hard for people to know how you feel. Echoing the language that they use is called mirroring. It’s an effective way to let other people know that you’ve heard them. Also, subconsciously people feel connected to you when you respond in a similar fashion. If they’ve written “Yo!” you’ll look stiff by replying “Good day, Xander.” Another way to mirror what someone has written is to keep your note about the same length as theirs.

Tune in on Monday, July 5th for part five of “How to Write a Smashing E-mail.”

Sigrid Macdonald is an editor and the author of three books, including the newly-released Be Your Own Editor, available on Amazon.com: http://tinyurl.com/2a3zx6t (Paperback) and
http://tinyurl.com/2blyqng (Kindle).

A Father’s Day Gift Idea

by Mike O’Mary

I’m somewhere north of 50, and for most of those years, I’ve tried to answer the seemingly unsolvable riddle that has plagued mankind for ages: What should I get my dad for Father’s Day?

I’ve figured out that we go through four stages of Father’s Day gift giving. There is the early stage, when your mother buys the gift and just puts your name on it. This stage usually ends around age eight, although it has been known to last 20 or 30 years.

Then there are the project days when your school teacher or den mother oversees your work as you construct a “project” that tests the limits of what can be done with Popsicle sticks and a cigar box.

After that come the “traditional” years when Dad is likely to get a nice tie or some accessory related to his favorite pastime. These are the gravy years since most golf and bowling accessories are manufactured with Father’s Day specifically in mind.

Next comes a more sentimental stage, when you try desperately to come up with a significant memento that will let your father know how special he is (without requiring you to actually say the words). This is the most frustrating stage because it turns out there is no such gift.

Finally though, I saw the light when, while maintaining my status as a son, I gained new status as a father. Now when it’s time to ask myself, “What should I get Dad for Father’s Day?”, I can also ask, “What would I like for Father’s Day?” The answer turned out to be remarkably simple: Nothing makes me feel better than to hear, “I’m glad you’re my dad.” So after all those years of guessing, I finally know what to give my father this Sunday. And the best part is, I won’t even have to go to the mall.

Mike O’Mary is founding dreamer of Dream of Things, a book publisher currently accepting creative nonfiction stories for anthologies on 15 topics, including an anthology titled Making Waves – Stories About Role Models Who Inspire and Motivate Us.

How to Get Ahead at the Office: Part Three

by Mike O’Mary

Note: This is Part Three in a series of sporadic commentaries on how to get ahead at the office. These tips may not directly apply to your career as a freelancer, but if you have corporate clients, it’s important to understand life on the inside.

In previous posts, I talked about climbing the corporate ladder by attending lots of meetings and by expressing lots of opinions at those meetings. Don’t forget, it doesn’t matter if you express a series of opinions or just the same opinion over and over again. The important thing is to be noticed.

Today, I’d like to talk about a special kind of meeting: the employees’ meeting with management.

The first thing you need to know is that management doesn’t want this meeting any more than you do. They’re only doing it because somebody in HR told them you want more meetings. (If you don’t remember being asked, it was probably one of the questions in that survey you didn’t answer.)

The second thing to remember is that as long as you have to go to an employee meeting, you may as well turn it to your advantage. How do you do that? By asking a question. Sure, your friends will accuse you of sucking up, but you’ll have the last laugh when you get that 2-1/2 percent raise while your friends’ wages are ravaged by inflation.

But you can’t just ask any question. You have to ask an innocuous question–the equivalent of a fastball down the middle. Here are some time-tested questions from past employee meetings:
“What is our biggest challenge?”
And, “What is our biggest opportunity?”
And, my personal favorite, “Should we focus on increasing revenue, cutting costs, or both?”

If you ask a follow-up question, be careful. This is not the time to get testy or trivial. Follow ups like, “Are you calling me a liar?” or “Can I have another donut?” will not further your career. Instead, just ask, “What can employees do to help?” and then take your seat. The most difficult part will be resisting the urge to scream. But you can do it. You’re a professional, and you’re on your way to the top.

Mike O’Mary is founding dreamer of Dream of Things, a book publisher currently accepting creative nonfiction stories for anthologies on 15 topics, including an anthology titled “Cubicle Stories: Life in the Modern Workplace.”