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If you are new to freelancing, you’re probably already struggling to learn new phrases and concepts. Words like “invoice” and “kill fee” probably meant nothing to you until you dived right in to the nutty world of self-employment. Now here comes a jerk like me suggesting you learn even MORE new phrases. But it goes without saying that the freelancer lexicon needs a bit of an update–industry jargon 2.0, you might say. Here is a handy list of new phrases we should all be adding to our vocabularies. Take with one grain of salt and use as directed.

10. The device pictured above should no longer be referred to as a phone. It should be called a LEASH.

9. Sleep is not a word freelancers should be using. Replace immediately with the word nap.

8. Sick is a word to be used only when you need to justify a three day weekend. If you need to take a vacation, you should be telling people you have a two-week onsite project.

7.  You did NOT just spend $1500 on a new laptop. You took a strategic tactical tax deduction. You also took a strategic tax deduction (STAD for short) on that Playstation 3 you just purchased, but only if you write a review on it for your monetized blog.

6. A magazine that goes bankrupt before paying you is a deadbeat dad. A high-paying magazine that gave you regular assigments that goes bankrupt is called a deadbeat sugar daddy.

5. An editor who won’t return your e-mails is a zombie. When you terminate the relationship with an editor who won’t return your e-mails, you George Romero‘d him. (Romero is the guy who brought zombie lore–including the requirement to shoot a zombie in the head to kill it–to pop culture.)

4. Deadlines should be reclassified. In the military, a deadline is called a suspense. While this seems to be bad usage, it does make sense, as you’ll be keeping the editor in suspense until you actually turn in your work. Will you or won’t you? Maybe we should start using this goofy term instead.

3. Freelance opportunities are often called markets, but are really meal tickets. A magazine that regularly publishes freelancers in our current economy should be known as Daddy Warbucks.

2. Starbucks should simply be rebranded as the Alternate Conference Room.

1.  Time-wasting blog entries like this should be called brain candy.  In our current economy, freelance blogs themselves could be considered like lifeboats, as in, “You’re a survivor, too?” But then again, most freelancers I know are doing better than the cubicle zombies I know, so maybe there’s a better analogy. Feel free to suggest your own freelancer jargon 2.0 in the comments section.

This is a new one for me. A while back I landed a nice assignment writing for a buck-a-word health magazine. I was excited because the payoff was nice, the market is one I’ve been trying to get more clips in and it was based on research I’d already done. In short, an easy score for yours truly.

There were a couple of revisions and when the piece was finally done, I got wrapped up in other work and wound up sending the invoice out a bit later than I should have. No worries though, it happens all the time in the print world. Sometimes the accountant is a bit late cutting your check, and sometimes you get so caught up in other deadlines that you get delayed getting one into the post–especially when it’s outside your normal billing schedule. I fired off the invoice and forgot all about it.

Until today, when an official-looking piece of snail mail showed up warning me of bankruptcy proceedings for the magazine I’d done the work for. Now I was double-screwed. I lost a nice paycheck AND a repeat market for my work in a new topic. Damn it all.

The moral of this story in our sad economy is obvious. Invoice the second you get the piece approved. You never know when your favorite print publisher is going to go belly up. In the case of THIS particular publisher, it wasn’t so much a case of “belly up” as it was “eaten by zombies”. You get the picture.

I will never fail to invoice immediately again. So says I.

See all those empty office chairs? Offices like these could get even more empty if freelancers take my new bright idea and run with it. Let me state for the record that I should NOT be telling you this right now, I SHOULD be developing it MYSELF and making a cottage industry out of it. But I’m obviously not as smart as I should be, since I’m going to spill it now…

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If you are trying to sell articles for print publication (as opposed to the web, naturally),  the accepted wisdom found in every book about freelance writing and how to get your articles published in magazines is pretty basic. Many publications want your Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Year’s-themed pieces well in advance. Usually when there is still suntan lotion being passed around.

It’s pretty common in the magazine publishing world to have an editorial calendar worked up six months in advance, but those who are just now starting to think about writing seasonal stuff do have an option for writing and publishing now. Last year Catherine and I sold a holiday piece to an alternative news weekly only weeks away from the Thanksgiving holiday.

Alternative news weeklies are often starved for good material from local writers and you may find yourself able to sell your holiday stuff now if you act quickly. With Turkey day so close at the time of this writing, you’re better off trying to hit the December holidays now, but don’t hesitate to try out your local newsprint options and see what you come up with.

Note: After a few horrified responses to this post, I should point out that I am wearing the pointy hat for much of this screed…that is to say I may have actually DONE this, but remember that all editors are slightly crazy and I’d never expect anyone to seriously take this advice unless they are as much of a rabid workaholic and certified nutter as I am.

There is no one tried and true way to make the jump from part time to fulltime…except possibly ONE method, the one I tried myself with great success. (How egotistical is THAT? There’s no way to make it except MY way, HAH!) Yet, when I think about it, this is the only method I know that makes any sense at all IF you have a day job you need to dump with extreme prejudice, and want to get yourself into a freelance situation where you wake up and tell yourself that your job is getting in the way of your career.

Naturally it’s a painful, isolating and downright masochistic path to follow to fulltime freelance success, which is why many people shy away from it. And who can blame them? Do you really want to suffer for your dream? You’ll find out just how committed you are when you contemplate doing “the Crazy Joe Wallace Method”. Also known as “Leaving Las Vegas, For Writers.”

What you do is decide, sort of like Nicholas Cage in that uber-depressing movie, that you’re going to write yourself to death.

Well, not quite. The actual trick is to write so hard that you WISH you were dead, but manage to take care of yourself in the meantime enough to maintain your madness. What madness would that be? (more…)

When freelancers make the leap from writers to editors, there are a large number of booby traps waiting for them in the early months of that first editing gig. Are you about to get a promotion and a title change? Are you considering an image change in your marketing campaign from writer to writer/editor? Here’s my “Don’t Do This” list to help you avoid some of the more troublesome problems you’ll face in the early days of the gig.

10. Don’t get promoted without a raise. If you plan to do editing work, your compensation should increase according to your new responsibilities. For freelance and contract people, that means raising your rates. For freelancers who are about to become employees, that means calculating your current worth and tacking on something extra to make the switch from freelance freedom to employee status worth your while. DO NOT take an increase in pressure without an increase in pay!

9. Don’t wait to be told what your duties are. Tell the people who pay the bills what YOUR expectations of the job are and ask them what their input is. Always try to get a hand in defining your duties whenever possible so you can keep your work load reasonable and commensurate with your pay. You can do this by drawing up your own job description in as much detail as possible and submitting it to your boss or editor-in-chief for discussion. First time editors can benefit from drawing up this job description in many ways, but the first is to clarify in your own mind what you think the job will entail.

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In the early days as a full-time freelancer, I did not have health insurance. Part of the reason for doing what some would call playing healthcare roulette had to do with the fact that I had plenty of free coverage (albeit limited in some cases) thanks to my former job as a military writer and editor. When I worked for Air Force News and the American Forces Network, I never needed to pay for healthcare and when I got out I had a transition period where I had access to coverage. No longer.

And yes, in the interests of transparency I will admit that I didn’t have ANY health insurance for a time after my old coverage no longer applied. I figured I was healthy, careful and not about to develop any major problems. I took a gamble that fortunately for me, paid off. But I could easily have been flattened by a runaway bus or a nutjob with a steak knife. Lucky for me it never happened.

My research into the scary and daunting world of health insurance for freelancers has turned up some scary numbers. Since it’s so early in the hunt for affordable healthcare, as someone with the unmitigated audacity to work for themselves instead of being chained to a desk in the Land Of The Cubicles I am naturally a bit put off (terrified?) by what I have found so far. But for every unnerving discovery about freelance health insurance, I find at least one solid resource or advice site with practical, no-nonsense advice either about taxes, the insurance itself or the business of freelancing in general.

One of my most fruitful discoveries to date is AllBusiness.com. I will confess that I’ve only seen the articles on self-employed taxes and health insurance, but I have high hopes based on the strength of this series. Granted, it was written in 2006 and some legal issues have changed or will be changing, but it feels like a great place to start. All Business seems–again, at first glance–like a great no-nonsense resource for anyone serious about making a profit as a freelancer, small business owner or self-employed person. They have not one, but THREE podcasts and feature call-in numbers so you can ask questions on the shows. I am impressed.

The quest for AFFORDABLE freelance health insurance that doesn’t demand insane deductibles goes on. I’ll be passing along my findings here, including a look at what you can find by joining MediaBistro.com’s AvantGuild or the Freelancers Union.

Some wise old sage out there has the answers I seek. Why, oh why does every public library stock Writer’s Market books from four years ago but not the most current version? Why do people write books claiming to help you with your writing or writing career that are filled with generalities rather than specific common-sense advice? Ever notice that all the magazines for writers are filled with plenty of encouragement but precious little info on critical issues like where you’re going to find your health insurance when you go fulltime?

I could complain about this stuff til I am blue in the face. Instead, I’m going to offer some suggesions that we writing bloggers and blog readers should take to heart to make our world a better place. I’ll direct these comments to myself and anyone who wants to jump on my bandwagon is welcome along for the ride: (more…)

The 2008 race for the White House is finally over, and here is a handy list of words that no writer must EVER use again, thanks largely to the overkill in coverage of the primaries, the campaign, the debates, and the election itself. Freelancers, you must NEVER write the following words in ANY context:

1. Maverick

2. Socialist

3. Six-Pack

4. Acorn

5. Debate

6. Radicalism

7. Questionable

8. Terrorist

9. Troopergate

10.  Recession

11. Recession-Proof

12. Any combination of “Joe” and “Plumber”

13. Stump

14. Change

15. Exit Poll

16. Undecided

17. Swing State

18. Recount (thanks to Al Franken)

19. Landslide

20. Mandate

FZ readers, you’ve been warned. Anyone caught using these words in a writing context will be forced to endure every videotaped statement ever made by Sarah Palin that contain any or all of the words above.

How does a writer expand a portfolio into new subjects with little or no expertise? If you are primarily a music journalist, but want to break into medical writing, how do you take that first step? Here’s my secret for branching out into other areas. It’s so simple you’ll wonder why you never thought of it before.

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Sure, it was published in 2005, but I found this great article on international freelancing to be quite interesting indeed. Most fascinating was the idea of offering an employer a competitive edge by being able to submit work during “our” normal working hours that would arrive overseas in the middle of the night, waiting for the editor first thing in the morning.

Sure, not all freelance gigs require such timely delivery, but it is an interesting selling point, depending on what you are trying to pitch and where.

If you’ve never tried freelancing “across the pond”, it’s definitely full of potential, but there are a few things to keep in mind. Stay tuned for some posts that address this issue as Cath and I both have experience in this area. In the meantime, check out Inkwell Editorial for the article and others like in collected in a series covering international freelance issues.

Jennifer Mattern has some excellent advice for freelancers in this recent post on freelance marketing. One great point she makes about holiday marketing is not to overlook sending Christmas  cards or other holiday-themed communications, even if you don’t personally celebrate that holiday. It’s easy to get tunnel vision about that sort of thing, and this advice is well-timed.

Another great bit of advice in this article; take stock of your accomplishments this year and start thinking ahead to next year. I’ve always started doing this round the end of the year, but earlier is definitely better when it comes to making plans for next year. What I would add to Jennifer’s advice is to start thinking ahead in terms of your budget, especially if you need to get new business cards and other promotional items.

Are you launching any new ventures in 2009? Will you start teaching writing classes or doing seminars? You’re going to need money for promotional materials and supplies. Do you need some extra tax write-offs for 2008? Get those supplies early and count it towards this year’s taxes where it’s legal to do so. A little extra thinking time never hurts. Great advice and food for thought all around in Jennifer’s article, Evaluation Time - Monthly Marketing Mix.

The New York Observer reports Conde Nast making a five percent cut in budget AND staff across the board. The existence of at least one title, Men’s Vogue, is in doubt at press time, and freelancers were mentioned by name as one of the resources that could be cut to fit the bill. Five percent doesn’t sound like that much for an organization as large as Conde Nast until you read further and learn that the five percent cuts apply for EACH PUBLICATION, not an as-a-whole, company-wide reduction.

Combine that news with the parting shot the Christian Science Monitor fired this week when it was announced the venerable publication would stop printing hard copies of its daily edition in favor of web-only publication and you have some interesting times for freelancers ahead.

The breed of writer I call “newsstand freelancers” are going to suffer as the big-money titles start shaving their budgets, but any freelancer who knows how to market, diversify writing gigs, and look in unique places for new work shouldn’t have much to worry about at this point, at least not in my view.

The key to all this is reading the headlines and anticipating the next round of tough times. Take a close look at your current situation. Are you earning the bulk of your income from a single source. It’s time to start adding clients to protect yourself. Is your resume page outdated or in need of a new look that helps it look more “web 2.0″? Invest the time, you may need to use that page soon. Are you a new full-time freelancer? Solidify your existing relationships with clients and editors by turning your projects in early, being flexible as possible, and willing to take on short-notice gigs that are inconvenient to you but endear you to your editor.

The key to avoiding the lay-off axe, the budget cuts and the tough times is to make yourself as indispensible as possible. Ask yourself how you can do that with your current editors and get to it. You’ll find yourself in a much better position as a result. The tough times are here, but not for everyone. Where you stand depends greatly on how you seek new work, approach the editors and deliver the content.

Everybody has a few daily time-wasters built in to their freelance routines. I use mine mostly to stay sane, especially when I have a particularly frustrating morning. Clients who won’t get back to me on important details, checks that arrive late or not at all, part-time writers who abuse the apostrophe, when all this stuff gangs up to drive me mad, I turn to one of my glorious time-wasters to help me blow off steam.

What are YOUR time wasters? I find that Wired.com, Craigslist, and the new releases section of IMDB.com are all places I get lost in, but nowhere near as much of a time drain as the gadget pictured above and to the left.

The telephone is by far the biggest blow to my available time in any given day. Once I start commiserating with my fellow writers and editors about life, the universe, the preponderance of television ads about Mesothelioma lawyers, home loan foreclosures and other sundry topics, it’s easy to lose 30 minutes to an hour talking about everything and nothing.

What makes YOU lose track of the time? I’d love to see a dialog in this space about time wasters, productivity, and how you manage to get your lost time back. For me, I find Saturday mornings are usually the first casualty to the time wasting habits of the work week…what about you?

I am a freelance editor and writer. I don’t know how to write PHP, Javascript, or use Linux. So why am I reading a book on how to be a freelance computer consultant? One written ten years ago which is now hopelessly out of date, technology-wise?

Simple…I want to know how other freelancers do business and see if there are any “best practices” I can glean from their experience.

One of the best pieces of advice any freelancer will get about setting their rates is “never work hourly”. Sure enough, it’s true in the freelance computer consulting world, too, but I also got some great tips about dealing with hostile work environments, dealing with on-site freelance situations where hostile employees make your life difficult, and how to structure your payment schedule for long-term projects to make all parties happier with the arrangement.

I learned all this stuff for free, having checked out out the book from my local library. It’s surprising where you can learn cool stuff about the ins and outs of freelancing. I had a good laugh reading a ten-year-old book on marketing via the Internet. DId you know there are these great micro-publishing websites called “weblogs” (blogs for short)?  Ten years ago, people were convinced that television was DOOMED and that while “blogs” are amusing, they could never be taken all that seriously. After all, they’re so niche-driven, where’s the money in THAT? (Sarcasm alert. It makes me sad that I even have to put that in here, but there you go.)

The library is your friend…especially if they stock a copy of that book every new freelancer is tempted to buy, Writer’s Market. You do NOT need to purchase this book! Chances are the library has done it for you.