by Joe Wallace

Oh, but that game box art makes freelancing look exciting and lively doesn’t it? And then there are days like these, where a poor freelancer looking for work has to contend with the frustration of wading through job listings like the one I’m about to show you.

Normally I direct my writing here to freelancers, but this time it’s the employers who should sit up and take note. What follows are excerpts from an actual ad seeking a freelance writer. I did not change anything for emphasis. In all cases the case, the spelling, the capitalizations, and the breathless prose are all the original ad writer’s work. Behold:

“we are looking for writing and a sales person”

Great headline. You can already sense the trouble brewing.

“(Company name deleted) A NEW COMPANY IN (location deleted) IT IS LOOKING FOR A
-WRITING PERSON PROFESSIONAL AND WITH GREAT WRITING SKILLS RESPNSIBLE PART TIME JOB WORK AT HOME ”

Oh, yes, we are off to a great start here with the all caps. Writers, you should be ready to run away screaming at this moment, never mind what comes next:

“-SALES PERSON RESPONSABLE ,VERY PROFESSIONAL WITH GREAT SALES SKILLS MOTIVATED AND WILLING TO GROW WITH THE COMPANY IT IS A PART TIME JOB WORK AT HOME. ”

OK, so maybe they couldn’t afford TWO job posts, one for each position? We can give the benefit of the doubt here, right? Um….maybe not.

“VERY IMPORTANT IT IS A REQUIREMENT HAVE A LAPTOP OR DESKTOP WITH INTERNET CONEXION EMAIL US (name deleted@deleted.COM) WITH ATACH RESUME”

Yes folks, that Internet conexion is going to be crucial to your survival at this company–especially when you have to use an online dictionary.

“WE ALSO CHECK BACKGROUND AND CHECK REFERENCES FROM PREVIUS JOBS .
OUR COMPANY IT IS A WEB DESIGNS AND MARKETING ON LINE FOR SERVING SMALL BUSINESS IN USA IF YOU WILL LIKE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT US GO TO www.addressdeleted.com”

Hey! These folks are into MARKETING! That explains why this ad is so…stunning.

That last bit contained my favorite part by far–the marketing geniuses posted entire job ad in all caps except for the URL. Trust me, you’re going to LOVE working for this bunch.

“THE WRITING PERSON WE WILLING TO PAY FOR A JOB (WRITING CONTENT FOR WEB SITE)
THE SALES PERSON WE WILLING TO PAY BY COMISSION 15% FOR EACH SALE .

• Location: (deleted)
• Compensation: IT WILL BE DISCUSS IN THE INTERVIUW“

I’m not sure I would be able to keep a straight face in the “interviuw”. Now I hear some of you already mentally chiding me for poking fun at a freelance job ad that seems to be clearly written by someone who uses English as a second language, but I am certain that the phrase “spell check” is one of those universal things that can–or at least should–transcend the language barrier somehow. Or maybe I’ve been watching too much Bill Maher and it’s started to infect my brain.

So what’s the point of this article, besides having some fun at this poor job ad poster’s expense? My point is this: being critical and using your skills to size someone up for their suitability for the gig is NOT just the job of an interviewer. Freelancers, you should be interviewing THEM just as much as they are trying to interview YOU.

This freelance job poster blew the initial interview, at least in my mind. All the warning signs are there. You wouldn’t work for a boss who told you women can’t do a good a job as men, and you shouldn’t work for someone who can’t toe the professional line in less obvious–but still identifiable–areas (like the standard operating procedures used by professionals when writing help wanted ads to attract freelancers.)

Reply to a job ad like this at your own risk, but my personal advice is to stay away. Or better yet, get into your spaceship and fly somewhere else like the guy in the image above is clearly ready to do.